I didn’t sleep last night, so stayed home from work today.
I have loved the solitude. While I wish I had the energy to be out on a motorcycle, instead I think I will mow the lawn at this oasis provided to me by my wonderful husband. I never thought I would find love at 50, but find love I did. While it’s a story for another time, when I began to realize that I was lovable, I ended a marriage in which I was not loved for me, but for a fantasy of who he could create me to be.
Not only did I find love, I found a partner, a friend, a gentle man who taught me to ride a motorcycle. He has resulted in so many shifts in my priorities. As a woman in her late 50’s, I have had to reprioritize my goals and plans based on the time limits I have on this planet.
I had a goal to do the entire Pacific Coast Trail when I was 60. I won’t be doing that now. While I continue to crave time alone on a trail in the high country of the Sierras in CA, my trips will remain of a shorter nature. Why? Because I have so little time left to travel this awesome amazing country on a motorcycle. I started riding at 48. I am 56. I have ridden my own bike to Sturgis, SD twice (from Fresno, CA). I have ridden solo (last fall) for a 1300 mile ride, another goal checked off my list. I ride every opportunity I can.
My new dream is to ride the length and breadth of this country. As an introvert who has spent my life disguised as an extrovert, motorcycling allows me to share an experience with my husband and spend time inside myself.
As an older woman, who is much different than the woman married to the father of my four children, I hope to leave a journal to share a little bit of who their mother is. As they are traversing their lives, there is not the pull to know the pool from which they’ve sprung, but it will come. How do I know that? Because I once was young.